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cellody · 1 year ago

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Tournament of Ages 2023

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The performance area was taken up by one lone soul with an equally as lonely stage; no assistance with background entertainment nor effects, no enchantments prepared for illusions nor audio enhancing, no props nor... anything at all. Just a chair, the microphone, and the natural, wintery lighting of Northrend though it seemed apparent why he made such choices when nerves were evident from the start.

The mic was readjusted with subtly-trembling fingers (after having failed to offer any sort of introduction or explanation about what this may entail) to aim lower towards the cello he’d brought with him, a small, white hand towel peculiarly draped over the instrument’s upper bout. Seemed that was it. He took one gut-wrenching look out across the gathered crowds and slumped into his seat with a visible swallow.

Following that was a rather loud sigh. His bow raised, hovered in place, and... hesitation lagged through his limbs. There was no backing out now, though; he needed to do this for himself. What then finally boomed forth was a piece likely (and hopefully, by choice,) unexpected of someone so wracked by stage fright.

...It was not a bore nor a classical ballad at all; this was just a flex to prove that the lamb had a monstrous wolf of a talent, wasn’t it? The textures of the notes dribbled, the craft of the cello bore through the tone’s volume, and his brows knit in an immediate show of focus. Lance may have been petrified and had to force himself into position where he now was but the moment he began, he was lost in perfectionism.

His speed fluctuating through all those notes was worthy of awe on its own but as the seconds passed, it became clearer and clearer that this was no mere proof of his prodigious exhibit. There was not one pause. One technique after another—rapid fingerboard ups and downs and fortississimo measures—seemed all the more profound, too, when his focused breathing periodically came through the mic.

Then came the plucking. It was, after all, a stringed instrument not unlike a guitar; it didn’t need a bow (kept out of the way in his cupped palm) to be played in all the ways possible. But of course he would display that when wanting the world to know he not only had this mastered; he crafted this very cello himself through a luthier-ancestral background. No embellishments, no magic.

He ought to have played for the tournament duels considering how tension-focused and vrykul-esque the melody was—or perhaps that was part of the reason he chose such a song for his first true performance. There seemed to be no end in sight, though; just how long was this? And with not a single sheet of music nor a stand in front of him, this must have been practiced like an exercise, the towel of which now made sense. Lance’s forehead was beginning to mist with the sweat that it was meant to soak up and keep off the wood should any eventually drip. This was not easy.

The expressions upon his fair face were ones very rarely ever made unless in the zone of acute, musical concert; he almost looked irate. It was, however, pure, unadulterated concentration. He was as one with the cello as he was with the piece never once allowing him a second of reprieve. For there to be this much contained in the music and for it to stretch across his entire allotted time slot was frankly absurd. He could have gone with two simpler tear-jerkers expected of an orchestral man, but... there he still sat, shredding away so fervently that even the hair of his bow was beginning to fray.

A third of the way through yet still unsatisfied. Lance would not look up properly towards the audience nor break from his trance. It really was no wonder at all why he chose to present on such an isolated stage; had he any other support or pizzazz added, it would have distracted from the raw mood and kept others from being able to soak in what musicians and their apparatuses were truly capable of at their peak—unleashed, exposed, and intense. Hard to believe he was a crybaby in his everyday life when he had all of this grandeur thrumming through his veins.

Adding to the wear of his craft was the accumulating dust of overworked resin and hair fibers settling upon the cello’s waist. At the very least, this came at a time where there finally seemed to be some relief in the tune though it came only in the form of a more hushed, memorized page; he was still swiftly fluctuating from low to high notes no matter what the volume. Then, finally, a true respite! His bow gracefully drifted away from the strings for a handful of seconds though he did not appear to have finished. When the cello’s neck was leaned back into his form as proof of there being more to come in the same piece, his spaced-out gaze resumed closing and his head bowed forth like a metronome in time with the fragile sawing of work that made up this entire composition.

The essence that grew from the silence was less like a peaceful breath and more like one being held to keep from having an intruder overhear. That is to say... the stress came right back in full swing, hushed notes lifting in volume over a series of buzzing measures meant to keep listeners on the edge of their seat. Had he any room to think about things beyond playing, Lance would have wondered what stories others were envisioning to the aura all of this depicted. Surely, everyone’s would be unique; his arrangement was bare-bones mainly to act as a canvas for the audience’s imagination, after all.

It was not feasible for him to waver the notes out any quicker. What began as the whirr of a bee’s wings taking flight turned into the nearly-impossible consonance of a hummingbird’s. Speed, speed, and more speed—easing during one span then picking right back up in the next like a chase across the very strings of his cello. The fact that they could even hold up throughout all of this was outright astonishing.

Pizzicato rejoined the song—this round alongside the usual, bowed notes that now left one feeling as though the race either came to a standstill or a long, grueling fall. Lance was definably (albeit metaphorically) intoxicated by how deeply he himself had fallen into making sure this was seen all the way through, heart and soul. If he ever held back, the entire piece would fall apart. This needed passion and this needed drama unlike anything others would have thought him capable of.

B minor chords began to take on the likenesses of sea shanties whence the music swelled forth like waves across a sea. Travel, shadowed adventures, clothing drenched against flesh; there were so many things he tried to paint through the medium of his instrument and it depended entirely on one’s perspective which hues rang truest.

White-knuckled serenity. This sonata could not at all be deemed soothing, no, but he’d be damned if that wasn’t pulled off to some degree during the next moment—at least as far as the usual rigidity was concerned. The notes remained steadfast in their flair for toil though the hush had even the musician bowing forward to curl towards the dwindled volume like a child drawn into a ghost story. There then came a refrain to an earlier tune strummed out as though teasing at others’ hope for a brighter outlook.

As fate would have it, however, that very hope would then begin lilting back towards the weight of the song’s ever-brewing temper. Strange buildups merging sunlight with a distant storm acted out through the soundwaves he played—the fluctuation of which formed a very stand-out, brief glissando that sounded entirely like one that belonged to the slide of an electric guitar.

Back to the reminder of his skill over that fingerboard. His thumb lingered over a note as the other four digits trekked to and fro across the chords’ joining, vibrato-brimming pairs, the hairs of which cascade them forth from down below by this point thinned seemingly to repair. It was in this stanza his accruing sweat would have been visible even to those seated furthest away, no amount of wintery air able to balance out the exertion this song wracked his form through. This... this was the thrill and lineage of music.

Rubbery connotations bounced through the playfulness that pushed onward when stern, bow-less portrayals once more found their place within the song. Strumming a cello made for such a bizarrely familiar yet eerily mesmerizing sound no matter how often it was shown off; what, then, would the method sound like on other stringed instruments? Could those usually plucked be instead bowed? This was exactly the sort of creativity he would have died to bring back into Azeroth’s population.

Lance’s entire left arm got into position when posing through some of those thumbed notes. His right, naturally, only stopped rowing just that once for the song’s earlier rest, but it otherwise kept on due course with very few changes in angle. It was surely the handiwork higher up on the fingerboard that would catch the eyes of most. Even that seemed to be an art form of its own; hells, to go so far as to say it looked a bit sensual wasn’t unfathomable. Perhaps the passion of intimacy wasn’t a stranger to the passion of playing music.

How much of this was even a struggle for the young man? Clearly, physically, he was working himself out to the point of perspiring, but there were uncountable moments where it seemed more like a game to him than a gift. What more could he accomplish? What more could he prove? How many more notes, how fast, how whispered? Just as the piece was peaking towards the finale, the unanswered wonder over whether this was a cello solo or philosophical performance art must have weighed heavy on the mind. It’d gone on for what seemed to be forever... and some parts were so raw it felt almost like studying the naked form of an exhibitionist rather than that of a perfect-pitch, instrumentalist prodigy.

By the final, heavy, long note, Lance appeared forlorn. It took a while for the reality to dawn but when it did, he hastily used that little towel to dab at his face and then to hide his unoccupied fist in—the other being clutched about the cello’s neck in preparation to dart from his seat with it. However... at the very least (and thankfully), he’d managed to muster up enough sense in himself to pause halfway off the stage, lean over in a bow, and wait five rapid yet formal seconds before actually fleeing.

#strings #tournament of ages #so nerve-wracking!!! but also worth it and finally done. <3

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medievalcellphone · 1 year ago

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ok wait i can't remember if i sent my chart in.

for the judges consideration: gem sun+venus, aries moon, taurus merc, virgo mars + aqua rising ☆

i am saying this with love but bro, quirky, quirky chart you have here. um. first off you have a lot to say and say it well. Aquarius rising i've touched on in previous asks i think, but it gives a nuanced abstracted view of life and genuine Real interest in most things. also an intriguing and mysterious vibe. you are surely quite funny, and have a fun time discussing anything. positing theories about the lids of pots.

you are prob very good at bouncing back. going with the flow, rallying, that may be good but also you don't like to focus on the bad so you can build up a lot of intense underlying emotions you aren't even aware of. at times you are really just so full of ideas it can become overwhelming, intense confrontations can be overwhelming and derailing, you might like to argue/banter but when it becomes real or tense, you want to get out of there as soon as possible.

if something catches your interest it seems like the most important thing, you can fall in love with ppl or a new passion fast and deeply and overlook the issues or red flags. make sure to consider things in terms of ramifications for u and others. Gemini venus and sun imply a fear of commitment, of being forced into one way of life. you are very independent, you hate being controlled, being told what to do, you come to things at your own time and might not understand why others want you to explain yourself.

like i said, you are interested in anything. a huge gigantic range of interests and talents but have a hard time focusing or sitting still metaphorically on any of them. the need to compare and contrast and overthink can derail you, emotionally and in day to day life. you are no doubt very cerebral and well spoken, creative and driven. you love to inspire others. you often do. very rarely do you hold an actual grudge. you might have trouble with being too emphatic about things you don't care that much about. even if you do in the moment (Aries moon want what it wants).

mercury in taurus might help settle the flightiness/ever spooling thought flow of a gemini. like, geminis can be indecisive and hard to follow, taurus in mercury takes time to come to conclusions and really considers things before making a proclamation. this paired with virgo mars gives you real determination. like. really. don't doubt you can get things done. just focus. on the other hand geminis with a mercury in taurus can get so focused on how to say things they shut down all together. perfectionism might get in the way of your natural optimism.

this sort of vibe^ here is a song and a movie :p

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essektheylyss · 2 years ago

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im going a little crazy but huuuuuuge respect gained for you (and all writers, really) im taking a short story class and im fighting for my life out here. deadlines today so it probably won’t matter that much but how do you not despise what youre writing while writing. drawing’s like ok yea ok this is fine but writing. oh my god. :(

Hello! Deadlines are the worst, so sending some solidarity. (Also huge respect for you as an artist! I tend to feel the opposite—I can usually find some reason to keep a piece of writing but the number of times I want to kick a drawing to the curb entirely is HIGH.)

This is a really hard hurdle to get past though, and I don't think there's really a point where any writer always clears it. I recall, if I remember correctly, a pretty prolific writer (possibly Neil Gaiman but don't quote me on that) telling a story about how they had gotten like 60% done on a draft, called up their editor, and went, "This is crap, I'm giving up and moving onto something else, or better yet I'm never writing again," and the editor with utter chill went, "Oh, you're at that point in the writing process. It's fine, keep going." And the writer was gobsmacked to discover this had happened frequently enough that the editor recognized it.

In any case, I do actually have one trick for this, which helps me a lot! This got long and possibly overly extrapolated, so I'm putting it under a cut:

A lot of writing advice focuses on the timeless but, imo, useless mantra of, "Write the bad first draft because you can't edit a blank page." This is useless because it does nothing to tell you how to live with the shit draft, which is hard and discouraging for continuing with the draft, and also, if you're taking one writing course among many courses, you don't have time to labor over a piece in editing for months. Plus, especially with shorter pieces, I don't find laborious editing useful, especially if you're a perfectionist or worried about whether it's good. (Nothing kills my productivity like long-term editing; hence my current suffering, but sometimes it can't be helped.)

HOWEVER, my trick is this: do not focus on quality at all. "Good" is so subjective, and you can drive yourself crazy trying to achieve it. This is of course easier said than done, but what is easier is replacing it with something. I approach everything (whole pieces, individual scenes, bits of dialogue that I want to burn with fire) by asking myself what I am setting out to accomplish with that bit of writing, and then I evaluate or write it by deciding how that could be accomplished.

This could just be what your assignment is (though I find that a bit broad), or what theme or message you want to convey by the end (though I find that getting this specific is kind of stifling and often a bit too nebulous for me, which negates the point of the exercise). What I've found most helpful especially in writing short stories is to decide what emotion I want a piece to make people feel. That way, if I feel like it's crap partway through, I have a really specific way to evaluate it when I read it back; I can go look at other books or stories that make me feel the way I'm trying to make other people feel; and it's a much easier target for both large and small edits than, "Is it good?"

This also really helps my perfectionism, because it doesn't require it to be the best possible way to accomplish the goal—it just has to accomplish the goal itself. There's a lot less qualitative value being placed on it. Some of my writing that other people have liked the most have been things I thought weren't great, but I read it back and decided it accomplished what I wanted it to do regardless of my feelings about its quality, so I posted or submitted it, and it got the reaction I wanted it to.

And being able to hit those targets consistently is definitely a product of years of practice—which brings me to the one other goal that I find useless: having specific publication or posting goals. I spent basically all of my teenage/college years going, "This is Not Good but it's just practice." (My screenwriting professor did think I was crazy for writing so much as practice when I couldn't use the products as samples for various reasons, but good god am I a better writer for it.) I have written short stories for specific themed anthology calls and the worst thing I can do when I'm writing those is to put my goal down as getting accepted to the anthology, because I do the same thing that you're describing and freeze up while I'm writing it.

And your goal might not be a specific emotion—if you like writing to theme or message, do that! If all of that's too limiting to your creativity, focus on the point of the assignment and write to that! And if you don't know what goal to set at all on projects you're doing for practice, you can think of a piece of writing that makes you feel or think something that you thought was great, and evaluate it for why it achieved that, then try to hit that benchmark. Kind of the writing equivalent of artists practicing a specific artist's style while developing their own. (Needless to say, but since I'm saying this publicly, don't try to copy style too closely, and definitely don't plagiarize, both because it's shitty and also because your teacher's plagiarism checker is likely to catch it even if the teacher doesn't.)

Also, obligatory "your mileage may vary"—I am sure this will not work for all writers, and plenty of pantsers will be scandalized by the suggestion of thinking about an end goal before starting, but I really like having the benchmark and find focusing on that the most useful thing I can do when I'm stuck or discouraged, and find that it genuinely improves my writing because it means it's more cohesive in the end.

#best of luck on your piece today! I'm sorry this is a bit late lol i just ended up in a long and engaging discussion with my boss lol #like. shot the shit for two hours of the morning level of chatting lol #ANYWAY i do really live and die by this particular approach so it's possible it could help you!#megs is writing #cuz i... should use that tag when i said i was gonna use it lol

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the-captain-sushi · 2 years ago

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Another survey because why not?

MBTI Bold survey (This is by no means supposed to be used to figure out what your actual MBTI type is! You can find out what yours is through online tests or careful self-analysis. This is but a very simple Tumblr bold survey to kill some time, based mostly on each type’s most common characteristics.) Bold what you identify with:

INTJ You think being ambitious is actually a positive trait. You are ambitious yourself. Learning how things work interests you. You consider yourself to be a rational person. You tend to be rather clueless when it comes to flirting. It’s hard to control your perfectionism. People have said you’re too judgmental before. You’re usually pretty self-confident. You’re hardworking and try not to slack off too much.

INTP You’re very creative. You prefer to be honest and straightforward about things. You tend to be a private person. Being left alone with your thoughts is often refreshing. People have considered you a weirdo before. You have a hard time expressing your feelings. You tend to be the sceptic one. It’s harder for you to believe in something that isn’t a fact. You’re really interested in science.

ENTJ You have little patience for stupid people. You have little patience for people in general. You come across as arrogant sometimes. You’re usually the leader of the group. Shy is something that you definitely aren’t. People have said you’re inspiring before. You never give up until you’ve tried everything you can. You wouldn’t mind being the boss of a team. You are often stubborn.

ENTP Debating excites you rather than scare you. You usually seize the opportunity to give your opinion on a topic. You enjoy learning about all sorts of different things for fun. You talk a lot in social situations… …Especially when what is being discussed is something you like. You’re good at brainstorming. You find it hard to focus on one thing at a time. You get bored too easily. You greatly dislike routine. INFJ You believe in the paranormal/supernatural. Life would be a lot better if we lived in a world with magic. You’re very passionate about the things you care about. You’re usually altruistic. You’re very sensitive about criticism. You prefer to keep your private life to yourself. You can be too idealistic sometimes. Your perfectionism can be a problem. Fantasy stories are your favorite.

INFP You’re usually open-minded and flexible. You enjoy writing. You enjoy the arts in general. Working on things that require creativity is fun to you. You’re usually the peacemaker among your friends. Taking things too personally is one of your flaws. You get sensitive easily. People think you’re difficult to get to know. You feel really bad when you can’t help someone.

ENFJ You’re the friend people come to for advice. You’re very tolerant of different points of view. People say you’re the “natural leader” type. You can keep your cool in a stressful situation. You’ve gotten into fights on the behalf of your friends before. Your self-esteem is either up high or down low. Making decisions is very complicated for you. You’ve been considered naive before. ENFP You’re way too curious. You’d be willing to try anything once. You’re always up for an adventure or exploring. You’re very observant of your surroundings. Making friends is easy for you. Your mind tends to hop from one thing to another without focusing. You tend to overthink too much. ISTJ Honesty is the best policy to you. You do your best to meet your obligations. People sometimes are amazed by how patient you can be. You’re usually very responsible, or try to be. It’s hard for you to lose your temper. You’re often very hard on yourself, especially when something goes wrong. Once you have your mind set on something, it’s hard to change it. You prefer routine over trying new things.

ISFJ You’re the “mother” of your group of friends. You’re usually quiet in social situations. Taking care of others is something you genuinely love to do. Your feelings can get hurt way too easily. You often get out of your way to make people happier. You’re quite shy. You repress your feelings way too often. Change is something you prefer to avoid. You’ve gotten in trouble for being too nice for your own good before.

ESTJ You finish most of the things you start. You get shit done, period. You’re a very organized person. You prefer to stick to what you know works better. People have considered you a traditional person before. You can get aggressive when defending your ideas and principles. It’s hard for you to just relax. You hate to admit that the opinion of others matters a lot to you. ESFJ You’re a sensitive and warm person. You’ve done charity before. You feel terrible at the mere possibility that you’ve hurt someone’s feelings. You end up apologizing a lot. People can confide you with their secrets knowing you’ll take them to your grave. Being needy is a problem you have sometimes. You get insecure easily. If a stranger strikes up conversation with you and starts ranting about something bad in their life, you’ll listen with genuine interest and want to cheer them up. ISTP You tend to be optimistic about life. You’re actually a very logical person. You aren’t afraid to get your hands dirty when the situation gets tough. You’re usually quite relaxed. Worrying about the future is pointless, so you just live the present. It takes a lot to scare you. Sometimes it’s almost like you have no sense of self-preservation. Commitment is not something you’re very comfortable with. ISFP You’re very artistic. It’s very important for you to pursue your passion. You avoid conflict at all costs and try to keep it minimum. Science may interest you, but it’s not something you’re crazy about. You’re the chill one in the group. When things get stressed, your go-to reaction is to shut down emotionally. You’re sensitive and cry pretty easily. Competition thrills you instead of scaring you. ESTP Socializing is fun for you. You’re a go-getter for the most part. Mind games are not your thing - you prefer to communicate clearly. You like to stand out and be original in your looks or style. Emotionally charged situations are awkward for you. You’re prone to rebelling and being defiant. “Carpe diem” is a quote you live by. People have said you seem insensitive before. ESFP You have very good people skills. You bring your artistic side into your words, actions, clothes, hair etc.

You’re talkative, and sometimes talk way too much for your own good. Traditional people are usually boring to you. You love change. You’re really bad at planning long-term. You struggle a lot with things that require you to sit still and quiet. You need things to be exciting in order to get you motivated.

#survey

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webzguruservices · 1 year ago

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From Perfectionist to Productive: 5 Tips for Managing Your Projects Better

Are you a perfectionist who finds it hard to finish projects on time? Do you often get caught up in the details and lose sight of the bigger picture? Managing projects can be overwhelming, especially when you strive for perfection. But fear not! In this post, we’ll share five tips that will help transform your mindset from perfectionist to productive

By implementing these strategies, you’ll be able to manage your projects more efficiently and effectively than ever before. So let’s dive into the world of productivity and see how small changes can make a big impact!

Introduction

As a perfectionist, you have high standards for yourself and your work. You want everything to be perfect, and you often put pressure on yourself to achieve this. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and overwhelm.

It’s important to remember that nobody is perfect. And, in fact, striving for perfection can often lead to less-than-perfect results. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to be perfect, try to focus on being productive. Here are some tips for managing your projects better:

1. Break down your project into smaller tasks. When you have a large project, it can feel overwhelming. Breaking it down into smaller tasks can help you focus and feel more in control.

Set realistic deadlines If you’re constantly chasing an unrealistic deadline, you’re going to end up feeling stressed and frustrated. instead, set realistic deadlines that give you enough time to complete the task without rushing.

Don’t procrastinate. If you’re putting off starting a project because you’re afraid it won’t be perfect, you’re only making things worse. Procrastination will only lead to more stress and less productivity.

Accept that there will always be imperfections. No matter how hard you try, there will always be imperfections in your work. Accepting this can help you let go of the need for perfectionism and allow you to focus on the task at hand .

5. Prioritize self-care. Taking care of yourself is essential for your productivity and mental wellbeing. Make sure you’re taking regular breaks, getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, and engaging in activities that make you happy. This will help you stay focused and manage your projects more effectively.

What is Project Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is often lauded as a positive trait. After all, what’s wrong with wanting to do your best work? The problem with perfectionism is that it can lead to Procrastination. When you’re worried that your work isn’t good enough, you may put off starting it at all. Or, you may start but then get bogged down in details and never finish.

Perfectionism can also lead to Paralysis by Analysis. This is when you spend so much time planning and preparing for a project that you never actually get started on it. By the time you’re ready to start, the project may be outdated or no longer relevant.

The key to managing your projects better is to find a balance between perfectionism and productivity. Here are some tips:

–Start with the end in mind. What is the goal of the project? Once you have a clear vision for what you want to achieve, it will be easier to let go of the need for perfection and focus on getting the job done.

–Set realistic deadlines. If you give yourself too much time, you’ll be more likely to fall into the perfectionism trap. By setting shorter deadlines, you’ll force yourself to focus on the most important aspects of the project and let go of the details that aren’t essential.

–Break the project down into smaller tasks. When a project seems overwhelming, it’s easy to get stuck in the details. But by breaking it down into smaller tasks, you can focus on completing each one before moving on to the next.

Project Perfectionism is about finding a balance between getting everything perfect and getting things done. By setting realistic deadlines, breaking projects down into smaller tasks, and focusing on the end goal, you can manage your projects more effectively and achieve success without letting perfectionism stand in your way.

5 Strategies to Overcome for Perfectionist

If you’re a perfectionist, you know that the pursuit of perfection can be all-consuming. It can be difficult to let go of your standards and allow yourself to move on from a project. However, if you want to be productive, it’s important to find ways to overcome your perfectionism.

Here are some strategies to help you overcome project perfectionism:

1. Set realistic goals.

If you set unrealistic goals for yourself, it will be impossible to meet them and you’ll always feel like you’re falling short. Instead, set realistic goals that are achievable. This will help you stay focused and motivated while working on your project.

2. Take breaks.

Working non-stop towards your goal is not sustainable and will only lead to burnout. Make sure to take breaks throughout the day to rest and recharge. This will help you come back to your work with fresh energy and new ideas.

Delegate tasks.

Trying to do everything yourself is a recipe for disaster. Learn to delegate tasks so that others can help you with the workload. This will take some of the pressure off of you and allow you to focus on the most important aspects of the project.

Give yourself grace. No one is perfect and mistakes are bound to happen. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not meeting your expectations. Accept that you’re human and give yourself grace in moments of imperfection.

5. Celebrate successes.

Finally, it’s important to celebrate your successes along the way. This will help you stay motivated and remind you of how far you’ve come despite any setbacks or delays.

– Set Clear Goals & Objectives As a Perfectionist

As a perfectionist, it’s easy to get bogged down in the details of your project and lose sight of the bigger picture. That’s why it’s important to set clear goals and objectives for your project before you start. This will help you stay focused and on track, and make it easier to measure your progress along the way.

When setting goals, be specific about what you want to achieve and when you want to achieve it. For example, rather than setting a goal to “finish my project,” set a goal to “finish my project by X date.” This will give you a clear target to work towards and help keep you accountable.

Similarly, be specific when defining objectives for your project. Objectives should be measurable so that you can track your progress towards them. For example, rather than setting an objective to “improve my website,” set an objective to “increase website traffic by X percent.” This way, you’ll have a tangible way to gauge your success.

By taking the time to set clear goals and objectives for your project, you’ll save yourself time and frustration in the long run. You’ll know exactly what needs to be done, and when it needs to be done by, which will make it easier to stay on track and get the job done right.

– Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

As a perfectionist, it’s easy to get caught up in the details and lose sight of the bigger picture. It’s important to remember that progress, not perfection, is what counts.

Here are some tips for staying focused on progress:

Set realistic goals. If your goal is to create the perfect project, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, set realistic goals that you can achieve.

Take small steps. Perfectionists tend to want to do everything at once and do it perfectly. This can lead to overwhelm and paralysis. Instead, take small steps and focus on one thing at a time.

Don’t strive for perfection. Strive for excellence instead. Excellence is achievable, whereas perfection is not. Aiming for excellence will help you stay motivated and focused on your goal.

4. Be flexible. Things rarely go according to plan, so be prepared to adjust your plans as needed. Remember that progress is more important than perfection.

5 . Celebrate your accomplishments . Acknowledge each step you make toward your goal, no matter how small it may seem. This will help you stay motivated and keep perspective on your progress

– Break Down Tasks & Take Breaks As a Perfectionist

Assuming that you want a detailed content section for the subheading “1. – Break Down Tasks & Take Breaks” of the blog article “From Perfectionist to Productive: Tips for Managing Your Projects Better”:

When you’re feeling overwhelmed by a project, it can be helpful to break it down into smaller tasks. This will make the project seem more manageable and less daunting. It’s also important to take breaks throughout the day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Stepping away from your work will help you to clear your head and come back refreshed.

– Prioritize Your Workload

As a perfectionist, it can be easy to get bogged down in the details of your projects and to try to do everything at once. However, this can lead to overwhelm and ultimately decreased productivity. To avoid this, it is important to prioritize your workload and focus on one task at a time.

To do this, start by making a list of all the tasks you need to complete for your project. Then, rank them in order of importance. Once you have done this, you can start working on the most important tasks first and save the less important ones for later.

By prioritizing your workload, you will be able to get more done in less time and will avoid feeling overwhelmed by your projects.

– Celebrate Accomplishments

It’s important to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. This will help you stay motivated and focused on your goals. Here are a few ideas for celebrating your accomplishments:

-Share your successes with friends and family. This will help you stay accountable and also let others know what you’re up to.

-Write about your successes in a journal or blog. This is a great way to track your progress and reflect on your achievements.

-Reward yourself! Treat yourself to something special after completing a major project or goal. This could be anything from a new outfit to a day at the spa.

Conclusion

Being organized and productive is a skill that can be acquired with practice. Taking the time to learn how to manage projects better through planning, prioritizing, and delegating can help you work smarter rather than harder. By learning from your mistakes and adjusting accordingly, you can move from perfectionist to productive in no time. With these 5 tips for managing projects better, hopefully you feel more confident about taking on your next project and kickstart it towards success!

#From Perfectionist to Productive: 5 Tips for Managing Your Projects Better #web development #web devlopment #software devlopment company #webdevelopment #app devlopment #digital marketing #graphic design #web design #app development

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arrowpusher · 1 year ago

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Solo Travel Log #2

In a sequel to my Oregon adventures, I made a similar hiking-focused solo trip in Washington. I was initially planning to do drive up to Vancouver and do touristy city things, but I had bought an annual Northwest Forest Pass that unlocks a slew of hikes in the PNW.

I remember feeling completely recharged after my 4-day Oregon trip. It was only 2 months ago; why do I feel so stressed already? I wonder if I’m really that behind on everything, if I’m really that inefficient, if I’m really that bad at handling pressure.

I recently read a friend’s blog post about trauma and anxiety precipitated by caring too much, and overcoming this by choosing to be intentional about who and what to care about. I don’t know if it’s pretentious to say that I think I also care too much, but I think that’s what got to me in recent times. Perfectionism, combined with a strong believe in values and how I think things should be has made me unravel. When something bothers me, I tend to process everything in an increasingly cynical and negative mindset. Everything just spirals. Even walking behind someone slow can send me into a rage.

At the beginning of this trip, I was so done with life. I almost wished I would get eaten by a bear so I wouldn’t have to deal with all the issues I was facing. My flight was delayed nearly 2 hours (it’s only 1.5 hour flight time lol) and I was running on less than 4 hours of sleep after working evening shift the day before. I was deathly tired but decided to go ahead with my itinerary.

Even after just one day, I felt refreshed. There’s something about being in the forest that clears my mind. There’s something therapeutic about stomping through the trail, immersing myself in nature, forcing myself to unplug, and allowing my mind to wander.

Sometimes I think about productive things like plans with work, other times I think about music, yet other times I think about what I should do with my life, or I just focus on my steps and footwork through the rocks. And sometimes I have to run hard, physically fall, and pick myself up before I can get things off my mind.

This time, I fell onto some sharp rocks. There was blood. But I got up, wiped it off, and kept going. I’m probably being more dramatic than I need to be, though it’s life lessons like this that help me reframe my mentality. As Tablo often incorporates in his lyrics, “what doesn’t kill me can only make me bleed.”

Now I know why Thoreau became so enlightened in Walden. My 4 days of hiking adventures through lush rainy forests, rocky mountain passes, and beautiful crystal-clear lakes made me realize that maybe things aren’t as bad as I thought they were, that maybe I just need to open my mind a little because nothing is black and white, that maybe I should try not to be so bothered by the principle of things it’s impossible to always make everything follow my values, and that I should have more self-compassion.

Yup, those are my musings from my ~30 miles of hiking, ~6900′ of cumulative elevation gain, and ~650 miles of driving.

Also, the views and food were very good.

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pallastrology · 4 years ago

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similarities between neighbouring signs

Aries shares determination and a need to be in charge with Taurus. They both like to feel in control of the situation, but this manifests differently for the two signs. With Aries, the emphasis is less on being the rule maker and more on feeling they are ahead of the game, while Taurus, who fears change, likes to feel nothing unexpected will happen. They are also both self-oriented, in slightly different ways; while Aries is focused on self-actualisation, the question of identity, and realising their goals, Taurus often connects more with self worth, personal values and self-love. A quick note: self-oriented doesn’t mean selfish, it means the concept of self is especially important.

Taurus shares the need for mental stimulation and social bonds with Gemini. Both signs can be prone to rumination without enough external stimuli to focus on; for Taurus, this often manifests through work, hobbies and home projects, while Gemini can be found taking in new information and socialising. On that note, both Taurus and Gemini have a deep need to connect with other people to feel whole. Taurus loves to love, and can have a relatively small “inner circle” of trusted people, while Gemini reaches out like a neural network, flitting between lots of people. These relationships can sometimes appear shallow, but are vital for Gemini.

Gemini shares a shrewd memory and the need for understanding with Cancer. Gemini is known for having a sharp memory, Cancer? Not so much, but those who don’t know this have never been close to a Cancer. They have an almost photographic memory, especially for emotional experiences, while Gemini is more of an information retainer, especially for things that can pique their interest. Both signs are often quite misunderstood – Gemini for being shallow and two-faced, Cancer for being a fragile child or a loving mother with no in-between. However, Gemini is really someone who is malleable and able to shift between lots of interests and types of people. And Cancer has a business acumen that can rival Capricorn, however they often aren’t quite as motivated towards this side of themselves. Gemini and Cancer both ned people who can see and accept how multifaceted they are.

Cancer shares compassion and a strong inner-child with Leo. Cancer is so often seen as the archetype of the mother, and yet they have a child-self hidden within. When we think of cancer as being moody, this is often the cause; they can try to keep their inner child pacified and suppressed for too long, and so it bursts out. Leo is a little more outwardly childlike in a sense – they have this sense of creativity, pride, a need for praise and admiration that can be endearing to some and irritating to others. Both signs are very compassionate in their own way. Cancer is known for being motherly and nurturing, but Leo can be so incredibly caring too – after all, think of lions; they aren’t loners, they live in a pride. And pride is what Leo can fill their loved ones with, if given half a chance. These are two signs who give a lot of love, but need a lot back too.

Leo shares insecurity and creativity with Virgo. While Leo tends to find themselves being their own biggest cheerleader, and even ignoring their faults to avoid the feelings of shame and doubt, Virgo may instead turn to criticising others, projecting their worries and guilt over not being “enough” onto their loved ones. The key to managing both of these issues, is awareness. Leo and Virgo are both creative signs, though it shows up very differently. Leo is classically creative, presenting themselves and their art loud and proud for the world to see. Virgo, on the other hand, uses their creativity less for dramatic display, and more for everyday life; they are natural problem solvers and often very good with their hands. The life they build is their creation.

Virgo shares attention to detail and fragmentation with Libra. Virgo is known for being attentive and detail-oriented, but Libra is too; however, for Libra, this trait shows up more through their social intelligence and eye for the arts. Both signs can be hypercritical of themselves and others, and both signs have high standards and are perfectionists at times. Another trait that they share, is the propensity for feelings of fragmentation to bubble up. Both signs can mould themselves into what they think they want to be – their idea of perfect, whatever that is for them. However, when it comes to perfectionism we all know that almost nothing is ever actually good enough, and so Virgo and Libra continue to snip pieces off and stitch new pieces on until they no longer resemble themselves. This is something that self-love can mend, as they need to learn that they are whole and perfect as they are.

Libra shares the needs for truth and intimacy with Scorpio. Both signs value the truth very highly, but while for Libra this is often underpinned by a need for things to be just, to be able to balance out all sides of the story, for Scorpio the desire for truth is underpinned with fear of being deceived. They need to rip off any potential blindfolds that may be obscuring the truth from them. Both signs also need – and can be afraid of – intimacy. Libra loves contracts and to love others, while Scorpio desires a partner in crime, someone to become one with, both physically and spiritually.

Scorpio shares depth and avoidance with Sagittarius. Scorpio is deep in almost every sense of the word – they are emotional wells, hold dark secrets, keep their more personal thoughts to themselves and like to stay a little enigmatic. Sagittarius isn’t outwardly deep, as they are more jovial, humorous, light-hearted. But their quest for knowledge and expansion leads them to reflect inwardly too, and they take in more than just information during their journey. Both signs also share a certain avoidance – Scorpio avoids betrayal by never trusting, avoids heartbreak by never letting others in. Sagittarius can find commitment too much to deal with, and runs. They are afraid of being trapped or tied down. Both signs could do with learning to embrace their fears, and accepting that they will survive if it doesn’t work out.

Sagittarius shares drive and expansive dreams with Capricorn. Both Sagittarius and Capricorn are highly driven signs, but it manifests very differently in them. Sagittarius, the lifelong student, and Capricorn, who was born to master their craft. This drive helps them to etch away at their dreams; Sagittarius is driven to consume everything they can find, travel as far as they are able, and chase the horizon for their next chapter. Capricorn is driven to polish and perfect themselves, and build themselves a life and legacy they will be proud of. As different as these two dreams are, the tenacity with which they work at them is really just the same.

Capricorn shares passion and stubbornness with Aquarius. Both signs are passionate and motivated, as we often see in Capricorn's work ethic and Aquarius’ desire to make a change. While Aquarius is usually associated with social and digital upheaval, Capricorn prefers more traditionally tangible results. Capricorn and Aquarius are both stubborn and can be short-sighted at times too, but this stubbornness is something that can be channelled into their projects. These are two signs who have the power to change things for the better, and to set themselves apart form the rest, but they must master their self doubt – which may manifest as stubborn refusal to dream.

Aquarius shares intuitiveness and humanity with Pisces. These two both see and feel the plight of humanity in their souls, though they act on it very differently; while Aquarius will be marching, Pisces will be nursing the wounds of the people they meet. Aquarius brings about change, and Pisces picks up and stitches together the pieces. Both Aquarius and Pisces also share a keen sense of intuition, and can put this to good use with some practice. This is where we see the archetype of Aquarius as the inventor, they have these flashes of ingenuity that allow them to break things down and build them back up, better than before. Pisces, on the other hand, is intuitive in a gentler way; their brilliance is more emotional and social, and needs a little more work to harness properly.

Pisces shares vision and impulsivity with Aries. Neither sign is a natural planner like their sister signs; Pisces gets swept away in the big picture, while Aries has to work hard to channel their energy in the right directions. Both Pisces and Aries, however, are blessed with inspiring vision. They can conjure up grand ideas as easily as dreaming for Pisces, who steps into this potential world like stepping into the ocean. For Aries, their vision is like a supernova, growing ever larger and brighter. With time and practice, these gifts can be harnessed beautifully.

#pallastrology #mine #astrology #astrology blog #astrology post #neighbouring signs #aries and taurus #taurus and gemini #gemini and cancer #cancer and leo #leo and virgo #virgo and libra #libra and scorpio #scorpio and sagittarius #sagittarius and capricorn #capricorn and aquarius #aquarius and pisces #pisces and aries

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capricores · 4 years ago

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FOURTH HOUSE: childhood observations (by mode)

* i focused more on the rougher manifestations of these placements in this post! i will make a positive manifestations version of these placements soon. also note your whole chart will influence this, and especially the individual sign of your fourth house (and planets located in the fourth), i am just grouping by mode for ease. also this is entirely based off my own research, interpretations, experiences, etc.

✨ mutable (pisces, gemini, sagittarius, virgo) fourth houses often experience childhoods in which one or both parents (or guardians) were absent. it may not be physically, it’s also often having emotionally detached and/or distant parents/guardians. mutable fourth houses usually had childhoods in which they had to learn to care for themselves and be independent at young ages; which is why as adults they generally have no problem living on their own, caring for themselves, making their own home & adjusting to change wherever they go (especially true if they also have a mutable moon and/or venus). unfortunately they also often struggle with emotional processing and expression in adulthood due to the emotional or physical unavailability of their family. it often even manifests as an attraction to toxic partners/friends who provide nothing emotionally/only drain them.

they are also likely to experience childhoods that involved a lot of moving around (cities or countries, schools, etc), which is why many mutable fourth house individuals feel as if they don’t truly have a “home”, and feel comfortable moving around freely in adulthood, and don’t have an immense need to stay stagnant in one physical place for too long (this will apply more to sagittarius and pisces). however this can also manifest in a more stressful way, feeling as if they “lost’ their childhood, or have no home nor stable place to go to when they are overwhelmed and in need of comfort. they must spend a lot of time and effort learning where they can find comfort, and how to build their own safe spaces.

the child’s intelligence was likely placed on the forefront during childhood, especially if the individual has gemini/virgo in the fourth. college/university may have been especially pressured for sagittarius fourth house individuals. you may have had a childhood in which you were encouraged to share your thoughts, ideas, opinions, etc freely and were praised for such. but on the other hand, you may have been forced down a certain path (school-wise), and had far too much stress put on you throughout childhood regarding your grades and perceived intelligence.

mutable fourth houses tend to come from “odd” situations; and usually quite unstable home environments. i’ve personally noticed mutable fourth houses are the least likely to want to talk about their past, family, childhood; because they’re sometimes ashamed of the “strangeness” of their past and the uncontrollable things that occurred in their childhood, because of their parents/family/etc.

✨ cardinal (libra, cancer, capricorn, aries) fourth houses tend to have parents/families that were over-involved in their lives; often controlling. i find that they likely had parents that put ridiculous amounts of pressure and responsibility on them from a young age. these placements didn’t get much time to be an actual child, as it’s likely they weren’t shielded from the harshness and rough realities of the world/others like they should have been. due to this, cardinal fourth house individuals tend to know exactly what they want for themselves in the future; specifically in terms of their home life, and future relationships; they usually end up developing unmatchable work ethic and boundaries as adults. however, they have to learn to embrace, accept and express their inner child; otherwise they will drown themselves in stress.

capricorn and aries fourth houses specifically were likely to experience a lot of strictness/control, and an authoritarian, sometimes aggressive, nature in their homes. they may have felt a lot of tension in their home growing up, and as if their parents/guardians were pushing them too hard in everything they did; trying to piece together their lives for them and leaving them with no say. their may have even been a lot of fighting between family members in their homes, or passive aggression, if this placement manifests harshly. this is why they tend to grow up fiercely individual and with a refusal to let anyone ever tell them what to do. they can easily hold their own regardless of the situations they’re placed in as adults.

cancer and libra fourth houses i’ve noticed had perfectionism and high standards placed extremely hard on them from a young age, especially from mother figures. although i find them the most likely of all the fourth house signs to be “babied” throughout childhood, i’ve also noticed this babying being turned into too much focus on this child. to the point where the child has so many expectations, high standards, etc., to meet due to the unrealistic projections and pressures from their parents. cancer and libra fourth houses often experience their parents trying to force certain futures onto them, that they themselves weren’t able to achieve/fulfill. in certain manifestations, this fourth house placement actually makes it so the cancer/libra fourth house individual has to be the parent to their own parents/siblings/etc. they may be overly forgiving, nurturing, and giving to their family (this will be heightened if venus or neptune are in the fourth as well).

cardinal fourth houses likely had a very perfectionist home environment and childhood, as i mentioned, and may have even been heavily pressured about their appearance, and how they come off to the public and represent their family. “image” was of huge importance throughout their past, and may have led to them being insecure adults or adults who are far too hard on themselves. it’s possible their parents had a picture perfect home/seemingly very peaceful home to the public/outsiders, that was actually a disaster/toxic environment behind the scenes. negative cardinal home environments can also leave individuals scared to initiate things and act on their own/without a push, despite this initiation being in their nature; since they were so used to being pushed by family members in various directions.

✨ fixed (leo, scorpio, taurus, aquarius) fourth houses can have their childhoods/pasts summed up in one word: intense. in true fixed fashion, their home environments were likely very strong: whether that strong is a good or bad word, depends on the manifestation of the placement. fixed signs, much like cardinals, likely experienced very controlling and sometimes aggressive (more likely for scorpio/leo) environments in the home. regardless of the sign, the parents/guardians were likely very stubborn, pushy and may have not allowed the child to have their own independent thoughts, goals, desires, ideas, etc. due to this, fourth house in a fixed sign individuals usually grow up to have very unshakable goals and opinions, and are able to hold their own in very serious and tough situations (such as loss, heartbreak, confrontation, etc). these individuals also sometimes must provide financially for themselves (and even their family) at a young age, because their family is unable to do so for them. it’s common for these fourth houses to get jobs at younger ages than most people around them generally would. i’ve also found those with fixed fourth houses (esp taurus/scorpio) had family members who tried to control and manipulate them via money/material items/finances; OR who tried to manipulate money out of them.

scorpio and aquarius fourth house placements specifically go through a lot of change and transformation during their childhood. they tend to experience immensely unstable home environments; due to the influence of uranus and pluto. it’s likely something major and traumatic may have even happened during childhood, that essentially changed their life forever (of course depending on other placements and just, life in general). they may have been the types to move around a lot during childhood, or have a lot of sudden swings in their life. the swings may have been smaller things, such as their parents/guardians being very moody, changing jobs a lot, etc; or larger things, such as famliy members losing jobs/income, sudden death, divorce of parents, etc. scorpio and aquarius fourth house individuals tend to, like mutable placements, end up “raising themselves” and/or feeling very alone and detached as a child; and as an adult (they really have to work on “building their own family” via friendships/etc).

similar to libra and cancer mentioned above, leo and taurus fourth house placements are likely raised with intense ideals and expectations from their parents; and are driven to a constant state of achieving unattainable perfection. this can result in becoming adults with huge insecurities that are far too hard on themselves. their home life throughout childhood is usually quite abundant (this abundance isn’t always good, however), or they have parents/family members with very material/money-focused mindsets. they may have frequently experienced their parents putting their careers, image, belongings, etc., before their own child(ren), leaving them feeling quite abandoned or unloved. this is why these individuals often go on to seek validation/love from others in the future for their self-esteem, especially if they have strong leo personal placements. leo and taurus fourth houses likely had huge pressure from their family to make something significant out of themselves. not necessarily a pressure to just do well in school, but to do something huge; such as become famous/widely-known, obtain scholarships/the highest grades, get a super “distinguished” or high-paying job, etc.

#astrology #mine #fourth house #ic #m:sp #ofc your other placements will alter this!! and planets in fourth #and there's so many different manifestations for these placements #and they absolutely alter by individual sign. but i enjoy grouping together by mode #i will make a more in depth post on specific signs eventually #i could rant abt the fourth house ALL day #i think i've studied fourth house more than anything else throughout my years of being into astro #if u can relate to this pls tell me i love the ego boost and validation FJLDKJFD

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fyeah-bangtan7 · 4 years ago

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Jimin on Perfectionism, Missing Army, His Love of Dancing, and BTS' Future

"We've been telling people to really love themselves," says Jimin. "This year, I began to tell myself these things"

BTS’ Jimin describes himself as “introverted,” which may come as a surprise to anyone who’s seen his extraordinarily expressive dancing, or the moment he leans back and nails a high note in, say, “Magic Shop.” In the second of Rolling Stone’s breakout interviews with each of the seven members of BTS, Jimin contemplated his perfectionist streak, described his experience of the pandemic year, explained his love of dancing, and more. He gave his lengthy, thoughtful answers from a studio room in his label’s Seoul offices, wearing a zipped-up black winter coat with a white faux-fur hood, a large black bucket hat, and a white mask to protect a translator.(In celebration of BTS’ appearance on the cover of Rolling Stone, we’re publishing individual digital covers with each member of the band; check back throughout the next week for more.)

Some fans think that you may be working on a mixtape. Is that true? To be perfectly honest, there’s really nothing that’s ready or prepared. I am trying new things and really challenging myself with new things. But there is nothing that’s concrete or ready to put out.

What have you learned about yourself from the past year, in your time off the road? I realized that we’ve been telling people to really love themselves and telling them to be stronger. This year, I began to tell myself these things as well, and convincing myself that this is also something I need to keep in mind. I also realized there were times when I was being too on the edge with people around me. And I thought that I should go back to the way I was, to realign my gears, so to speak, so that I can become again the person that I used to be when it comes to how I treat people around me and how I treat myself. Now, I see people reacting positively to even small positive changes.

For seven years or so, you had ARMY cheering for you. In the past year, because of the pandemic, you’ve faced silence. How have you adjusted to that? I still have a series of negative thoughts about the situation. You know, “Why are we in this situation?” You know, “What are we doing?” And I didn’t want to acknowledge or admit or face the fact that we can’t see our friends and can’t do the things that we had been doing, as you said, for the past seven years.

What made you want to dance when you were young, and how did you realize that you had a gift for it? First of all, I never thought that I’m good at dancing. But I began to like dancing when I was young. It was my friends who suggested that we go learn how to dance as an after-school activity. As I did more of it, I began to like it more and I started taking more lessons. And I became more and more immersed in it. And I realized, as I continued to learn how to dance, that I didn’t have the stress when I was dancing. It was my own space where I could go to a different world, where I didn’t have to think about other things. It was something that I could really immerse myself into. And it made me feel really free. And it made me really happy. And then even after I debuted and I still have those feelings and those emotions, dancing is the best answer.

I understand that you don’t like to make mistakes. But that could make you very hard on yourself, couldn’t it? When I debuted, I had the shortest period of training. And I feel that I wasn’t fully ready and confident when we debuted. I still have my shortcomings. I’m always moved by the fans who dedicate themselves — their time, their emotions, everything about themselves — to appreciating what I do and loving what I do. It makes me feel that for their sake and for their devotion that I shouldn’t make mistakes. So if you ask how do I learn to be easier on myself or more generous to myself, I think that will be something that will continue to be very difficult for me because of how I feel. When people point out things that I need more work in, it used to make me really angry at myself. Now I feel thankful if people point out things I need more work in. It makes me want to try harder.

Who were some of your early musical heroes? There were a lot of artists that influenced me. Foreign artists — Michael Jackson, Usher — and also a lot of Korean artists. But a lot of my musical inspiration came from watching the other members do their work.

You were sort of the project coordinator for Be. What did you take away from that experience? What I took away is first, how sincere the members were about making the album and making the music. So much time and so much effort goes into the creation of the music. What I also took away from it is I should also dedicate this kind of time and effort to making and creating music, and I should also try to make great music. I was really inspired by what the members contributed to the process and how we all worked on the album.

You’ve all said many times that there were differences between the members that you’ve overcome over the years. Can you elaborate at all on those differences? [Laughs] So many that I couldn’t possibly list. We all had different personalities, personalities that clash. And I, for example, may consider myself to be a little bit slower, more contemplative or more introverted. And then there are other members who want do things much faster. They’re much more active and outgoing. And then there are other guys who are even more introverted and even slower than I am. So, of course, these personalities continued to clash. I think we’ve all come to develop an understanding that it is OK to have these differences, that some people are going to be slow, and some people are going to be fast. Sometimes we have to wait. Sometimes we have to ask more questions. I think all of us sort of developed an understanding of each other.

I love the song “Serendipity” from 2017. You really pushed yourself as a singer on that one. Could you share your memories of recording it? I think this was the first time I really tried to highlight all the nuances of my voice and focus on each detail of my vocal expression. So it was very difficult to try to make sure that translated into the recording. And I just remember the recording process being very difficult because of how hard I tried to make sure that I focused on all of these details, making sure that they are expressed in the song.

Would you like to still be in BTS when you’re 40 years old? I don’t think I’ve ever really thought of being not a part of this group. I can’t imagine what I would do on my own, what I would do without the team. Even before we debuted my goal was to continue to work with these people, to continue to sing with these people. I think when I become older, and I grow my own beard, I would like to think that at the end, when I’m too old to dance, I would just like to sit onstage with the other members and sing and engage with the fans. And communicate with the fans. I think that would be great, too. So I’d like to keep this going as long as I possibly can.

#bangtan #jimin #m:rolling stone #o:interview #210515

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iclaimedtobethebetterbard · 4 years ago

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stars in the sk(eyes)

Fandom: Sanders Sides Characters: Logan, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Janus, Patton Rating: Teen & up Relationships: Analogical, background Intrualiceit Warnings: Language, food, like 1 line that’s maybe suggestive but also said half-jokingly Word count: 5592

Read on AO3!

My writing masterpost

Starlight Universe masterpost

analogical week 2021 start - previous - here - next - masterpost

Summary: Logan has always loved stars. Virgil has always loved music. Maybe they can put those together with a little help from some friends.

Notes: Day 2 of Analogical Week 2021! @analogicalweek Takes place in my Starlight Universe, does not need context to read. Patton, Janus, and Remus are all nonbinary folks who use he/they pronouns and masculine terms in this universe (but in the flashback scene, Janus is only using they/them); Roman, Logan, and Virgil are all men who use he/him. (I know absolutely nothing about music or concerts or anything, so please don't roast me too hard for any inaccuracies, lol.)

They were only opening the concert; the real attraction was a band from out of town with a midsize following, making a stop on their tour. Not that Virgil was complaining to have landed this gig. It would be the biggest performance his band—the band he, Janus, and the twins had formed a few years ago—had given, by a lot. And that was exciting. Sure, Virgil had absolutely spent hours stressing over how big it was, but he knew how to manage his anxiety, especially when it came to performances, and the anxiety didn’t stop the excitement.

“You’re going to do wonderfully,” Logan had told him earlier that day as he’d been getting dressed, passing his fingerless leather gloves and then holding his jacket for him to slide into. He’d spoken it with a simple, unassuming confidence, as if it were a given fact. It had been more comforting than Virgil thought Logan knew.

With the memory of his husband’s words carefully nestled against his heart, and the jacket Logan had helped him paint rainbow stripes on sitting on his shoulders, Virgil found it easier to let go of the anxiety. Some lingering tension remained as he paced backstage, running through lyrics in his head and triple checking that everyone knew the schedule, but it wasn’t as bad as usual. Most of it, if he was being honest with himself, wasn’t even about the performance—it was about the surprise the band had put together, the surprise Virgil had had to bite his tongue a couple of times to keep himself from thoughtlessly mentioning it to Logan, even though the surprise had been almost entirely his own idea and the others were just helping. But he’d successfully kept the secret, and now Logan was out in the audience, and Virgil was backstage, and there would be no more chances to spoil it.

But Logan was out in the audience, and Virgil was backstage, and the final round of jitters was setting in. And when Logan wasn’t there, Virgil’s jitters took the form of pestering the hell out of everyone in the room, to make sure everything was perfect.

He checked all the instruments, giving Janus’s keyboard a once-over without touching because he knew better by this point. Remus’s drumset was already on the stage—he was drumming with his fingers on the end of the fallout table in the corner—so there was nothing to do about that. Roman was actively tuning his guitar, so Virgil left that alone too and instead checked his bass, just in case it had gotten out of tune in the last thirty seconds.

All of the instruments were fine, great, even, and Remus and Roman were undeniably being productive; Janus, who’d been on their phone in the corner, had stepped out for just a moment, probably to get a drink of water or something.

Things were in order. Which was good. Great, even. But it gave Virgil nothing to do with his restless energy.

“Are we ready?” he asked, jiggling his leg and tracing the pattern of his fishnet tights through one of the large rips in his jeans.

Roman looked up. “Yes,” he said shortly. Roman’s nerves tended to take the form of a very short temper, which didn’t mix well with Virgil’s perfectionism.

“Yeah,” Remus agreed, running a hand through his dark green curls and straightening his denim jacket.

“We all know the order things go in?” Virgil followed up after a minute of tense silence.

“Mmhm,” Remus said easily. Remus, and Remus alone, somehow always managed to remain at ease and unbothered no matter what. Virgil didn’t know how they did it.

Virgil took stock of everyone’s outfits. He himself was wearing fishnet leggings that went all the way up past his waist. Over them he had ripped black skinny jean, and a black crop top splattered with white paint. On top of that, he wore his black denim jacket, which matched the ones the other three were wearing. Virgil’s had the rainbow pride flag painted on the front, all down the lapel area; the rest of the jacket was covered in patches. He checked his makeup, examining the black eyeshadow and lipstick in his phone’s camera; it looked fine. Perfect, even.

Roman was the neatest of the group, made to stand out as the lead singer. He wore the same high-heeled doc martens as the other three, but in white where theirs were all black. He had a tight white longsleeve shirt made of a shimmery material and a matching pair of white pants, and the black jacket contrasting nicely against it all. Roman’s jacket had the aromantic pride flag where Virgil had the rainbow, and the rest of his jacket was painted with red roses all at the ends of long, intricate, thorny stems. His eyeliner was sharp enough to cut, and his curly hair was piled up atop a black headband wrapped around his forehead like a crown.

Janus still wasn’t back, but he’d been on the neater end too, to counter Virgil and especially Remus’s scruffiness. Their outfit was sleek and all black save for a thin white belt around their waist. A black hat with a broad round brim framed their face like a dark halo. His jacket had nonbinary and pan stripes on the front, and thin white squiggly lines running up and down like warped pinstripes everywhere else. (Virgil knew where on the jacket one line ended in a tiny snake head, and where one trailed off into a tail, but you wouldn’t notice unless you knew to look.) They were wearing black lipstick to match Virgil, and winged eyeliner to match Roman, and contour that emphasized the sharpness of his cheekbones; definitely the heaviest makeup of the group.

Remus, sitting in the corner and making noises to themself, was a sharp contrast to his boyfriend Janus’s sleek elegance. His black jeans, splattered with white paint to match Virgil’s crop top, were ripped almost to shreds, open nearly entirely from mid-thigh down to his ankles, with only a few clinging strands of fabric keeping them anywhere in the realm of being pants. The tee they wore—black again, with his own name painted on it in large white letters—was also ripped full of holes, these ones much more deliberate; he’d slashed it carefully with an exacto knife, kneeling on the ground and focusing with their tongue stuck out slightly, until it was exactly how he wanted it and you could catch glimpses of their top surgery scars when they moved. His makeup consisted of dramatic green and black eyeshadow, and his jacket had the trans and polyamorous flags on it—he and Janus, who had nearly identical collections of pride flags between them, had split two and two which color schemes they wanted to use. The rest of Remus’s jacket consisted of a few jagged holes and some incredibly detailed paintings of green tentacles.

The instruments were fine. The costumes were fine. The makeup was fine. What else did that leave for Virgil to fret over as the final minutes ticked away?

“How about the blocking?” Virgil said. “We can go over it again if anyone—”

“I promise we know, Virge,” Roman snapped.

“Come on, kiddo, you know he’s just trying to help!” piped up Patton, Janus and Remus’s other boyfriend, who was suddenly somehow present and sitting in Janus’s lap, his pastel outfit completely out of place amidst the varying edgy styles everyone else in the room was sporting.

“How did you get back here?” Roman and Virgil demanded in unison. Virgil hadn’t even noticed Janus was back, let alone that he’d brought Patton, who was supposed to be in the audience with Logan until the performance was over.

“Oops,” Janus said, not sounding even a tiny bit remorseful as they played with Patton’s dark curls.

“Did you leave Logan alone?” Virgil demanded of Patton, hands on his hips.

“Only for a minute! He’s getting snacks, anyway,” Patton said, wrapping his arms around Janus’s neck. “We both know where our seats are, he’ll be fine.”

“You already have a partner backstage, stop being greedy,” Roman scolded Janus. “Patton, you know we need to focus right now, can you please not distract my horny bandmates until after the show?”

“You sound like Virgil, with all that worrywarting,” Remus commented, snickering.

“Take that back this instant!” Roman demanded as Virgil gave Remus double birds.

Remus only guffawed, looking incredibly amused.

“Seriously, though, uh, Patton, with all the love in my heart: get out,” Virgil said.

Patton wrinkled his nose, but pressed a warm smack of a kiss to Janus’s cheek and hopped to his feet.

“Do I get a kiss?” Remus asked, reaching his arms out hopefully.

“Makeup—” Roman began warningly.

“I haven’t got any on my mouth!” Remus said triumphantly. “Suck it, Jan.”

Janus smiled wryly, fingers rising to but not quite touching their black lipstick that Patton had avoided so carefully. “The prices I pay for beauty.”

Patton giggled, crossing to Remus, clasping both his hands, and leaning down to kiss him sweetly.

“Great, you’re very very cute together but now is not the time, Patton get out and stop distracting your boyfriends,” Roman said, shooing Patton towards the door.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “High strung much?”

“Not all of us possess your—your stupid coolheadedness powers, Remus!” Roman snapped.

Patton paused in the doorway and pointed at Roman, getting out his dad voice. “Hey. Be nice.” The finger moved to Virgil. “Be nice.” His eyes flicked to Remus, then Janus, and his voice shifted to a different tone, half flirty and half joking. “You two be good boys.”

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god, I said to stop being horny!” Roman shrieked, chasing a giggling Patton out of the room and down the hall. He returned moments later, Patton-less and fixing at his hair to make sure it wasn’t too messy. “We had better not have any more alloromantic bullshit from any of you until after the show is over!” he announced. “Okay?” He didn’t sound quite as annoyed as before.

“Homophobia,” Remus accused teasingly.

But instead of snapping back, Roman giggled. “Oh, shut up.”

The twins began joking back and forth, Janus making the occasional amused interjection. Evidently Patton’s intrusion into the room, although technically unhelpful, had done wonders to break the tension, and Virgil reminded himself to thank Patton later.

Virgil’s phone buzzed with a text from Logan.

Logan: Patton found me, don’t worry. Logan: How are you doing?

Virgil: hahahahahaaaa i don’t wanna think abt it

Logan began typing, then the little bubble went away; a second later, the phone began to ring, Logan’s caller ID plain to see.

“Hi, babe,” Virgil greeted.

“Hello, dear. Would you like to walk me through your plan for the performance, to reassure yourself?”

Virgil let out a small sigh of relief. “Yes, please.”

“I am listening,” Logan assured him.

Virgil took a deep breath and launched into a detailed itinerary, knowing that Logan didn’t mind if he got a little too technical in his terminology because Logan was listening for Virgil’s sake.

“And then that’s about it,” Virgil wound down, carefully leaving off the final item from his explanation. It wouldn’t do to spoil the surprise now. “Oh, looks like we’re getting ready now, gotta go.”

“I love you,” Logan said quickly. “You’re going to do a wonderful job.”

Virgil let out a short laugh. “Thanks, L. Love you too.” He hung up, set his phone down on the table, and picked up his bass.

“You ready?” Roman asked, nudging Virgil with his elbow, as the group finally headed towards the stage.

Virgil sucked in a long breath. “Yeah. I think so. Are you?”

“Oh, you know it!” Roman grinned, a spring in his step. He paused after a second and glanced back to Virgil. “Sorry for being so wound up earlier.”

“It happens.” Virgil shrugged. “Right back at you.”

Roman nodded and put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “Hey. He’s going to love it. Just wait and see.”

Virgil looked away, half smiling. “I sure hope so.”

“He will, I know it!” Roman insisted as they climbed the steps onto the stage and emerged into what could practically have been the eye of a hurricane, for all the noise and light that surrounded the stage.

The sky above was fully dark; bright lights everywhere in the area contrasted against it. There was a decent crowd. The venue seemed almost full, as a matter of fact. The observation added a thrill of adrenaline to compliment the goosebumps from the chilly breeze across Virgil’s bare midriff.

Roman stepped forward and spread his arms wide right as the spotlights came up. “Hey, folks, thank you for being with us here tonight!” he said, his smile gleaming in the bright lights and his voice booming in the speakers. “We have some great hits lined up for you tonight! Let’s get it started, huh?”

Virgil waited a few seconds for the cheer of the crowd to peak. Janus began the melody on the keyboard; Virgil came in with his bass at exactly the same second Roman began to sing, and Remus picked up the beat on the drums on cue.

Virgil was quickly able to get lost in the music, all his focus on playing and providing backup vocals, leaving him with no more brain space for his anxiety. This was his favorite thing about music: its ability to keep him in the moment.

They played three songs. Two covers that always went over really well, and one song that the twins had written together about family that always left Roman just a little teary. Normally that would be their closing song.

But tonight was a little bit different.

Roman took a step back, nodding at Virgil; the pair of them traded places onstage, putting Virgil front and center.

“So,” Virgil said, the mic on his cheek picking up his words, “we were thinking we’d let you all be the first to hear our new song. Uh, I wrote this one. And normally Roman does our singing, because—well, you’ve heard his voice. But this song is kind of special. I wrote it for my husband. So. We thought I’d perform it tonight.”

As Janus began playing the melody, Virgil searched the front row of the crowd, squinting against the lights, until he found Logan, sitting next to Patton and gazing up at Virgil with shining eyes. “Lo, I love you so much, babe. More than every star you’ve ever shown me.” He took a deep breath and began to sing.

***

10 years earlier

Unknown Number: Hello. This is Janus. Logan’s roommate

Virgil: how’d u get this number?

Janus: I broke into Logan’s phone after you started dating and saved you to my contacts just in case

[read 3:43pm}

[3:46pm]

Virgil: i Virgil: wtf dude

Janus: Your boyfriend has been moping in his room all day, can you please come fix it? Janus: Roman is starting to mope too for no good reason, but he’s doing it in the living room and at this point it is starting to affect my quality of life

Virgil: yk i literally could not care less abt that part u asshole <3 Virgil: i’ll be over in 15 Virgil: is he ok?

Janus: He won’t talk to me, I don’t know what happened

Virgil: i’ll be over in 10

It was normally a 12-minute walk from the dorm Virgil was an RA in to Logan’s apartment just off campus, but Virgil could walk fast when he was anxious or alone, and in this case he was both. Even taking the time to grab a jacket, he still made it to the building in nine minutes flat.

Janus let Virgil into the apartment almost the second he knocked, relief plain to see on their face.

“You see?” Janus said over their shoulder in a scolding tone. “I had to resort to outside measures to deal with your bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit,” Roman whined from where he was slumped on the couch, scrolling aimlessly through Netflix on the TV.

“Oh? And what’s this?” Janus demanded, hands on their hips. They dramatically pushed the button to open the microwave door, revealing a limp burrito wrapped in a damp paper towel.

“Lunch,” Roman mumbled defensively.

“You hate microwave food, and it’s four in the afternoon!” Janus snapped.

“I am in a creative slump, Jan! Have some sympathy!”

“No! Get your whiny ass off the couch and stop ruining my afternoon!”

Virgil took a deep breath and pointedly walked in between the pair of them down the hall towards Logan’s room. Roman and Janus’s still-bickering voices faded into the background.

“Hey.” Virgil knocked on the door, which had a piece of printer paper taped to it with Logan’s name written on it in blue sharpie and a couple of stars, both scribbles and stickers, scattered around it. He waited, and when there was no reply, he added, “Are you okay, Lo?”

“I’m fine,” Logan said, in a voice that had obviously been crying.

“Can I come in?” Virgil asked.

“Okay.”

Virgil pushed open the door and stepped into the dim room, closing it behind him. The blinds were closed, and Logan was curled up under a mound of blankets.

“Hey, baby,” Virgil murmured, kicking off his shoes and climbing to sit on the bed beside Logan and stroke his hair. “What’s wrong?”

Logan made a muffled noise of misery into the mattress.

“What?” Virgil said after a moment.

Logan rolled over. “Teacher didn’t like my essay.”

Virgil chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment. “Okay, I promise I’m not making fun of you, but you do know that that is possibly the most stereotypically you thing you have ever said to me, right?”

Logan let out a little huff that was not quite a laugh. “I guess.” He was silent for a moment as Virgil continued to stroke his hair. “And I know it’s stupid. I still got a B+ and my overall grade in the class is fine and I know I’m a good writer and everything. But it sucks. I was really proud of it.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Virgil said, choosing to ignore the squirm in his gut that always happened when grades came up. It was so easy to compare or to worry about others comparing and then to worry about others getting upset over comparisons and—he dragged himself back to the present, forcibly setting the issue aside. “You’re allowed to feel upset,” he told Logan. “About anything that upsets you. Even if you wouldn’t choose it.”

Logan didn’t respond, but after a minute his hand snaked out from under the covers and grasped Virgil’s.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Virgil asked, struck with the idea.

“Huh?”

“A walk. Get out of your head for a little bit and hang out. We can talk if you want, or just be together.”

Roman’s voice grew particularly loud outside, and Virgil picked out a teary, petulant, “I hate you!”

“Plus it’ll get you away from that energy,” he added wryly.

Logan drew in a breath and sat up. “Alright. Let’s do it.” He pulled out a denim jacket while Virgil put his shoes back on and retied the laces. They made their way out of the apartment, hand in hand.

Roman was on his feet now, releasing an angry tirade at Janus, hands clenched into fists and sounding on the verge of crying, the TV remote cast on the floor beside him. Janus was sitting on the kitchen counter with arms crossed and an intimidating glare on their face.

“Hey!” Virgil snapped, and Roman cut off abruptly. “Eat some food,” Virgil told him on a hunch. Sure, Roman could be a little immature at times, but this was on a whole different level, and a lack of food seemed like the simplest culprit.

Virgil looked over at Janus, to make it clear that they weren’t off the hook either. “We’re going out. You two better make up before we get back. Clear?”

“You can’t tell us what to do—” Roman began stubbornly.

“Janus literally called me in to fix all your problems, so yeah. I can. Also open your windows, it’s gloomy as fuck in here.” Virgil opened the door and held it for Logan, tossing one last glare over his shoulder at Roman, who looked dumbstruck, and Janus, who avoided eye contact.

Logan was quiet as the two of them walked down the stairs and exited the apartment building, hands in his pockets (one still clasping Virgil’s) and eyes on the toes of his slip-on shoes.

“Wanna talk?” Virgil asked.

Logan tilted his head to the side for a moment, his thinking face slipping over his features, and then shook his head.

Virgil nodded. “Okay.” He fished in his pocket for his earbuds and plugged them in. “Let me know if that changes, okay?” He received a small nod and turned on his go-to playlist—a 12-and-a-half-hour-long composition of all his favorite emo songs that he could loop without having to put any thought in.

The two of them wandered through the streets, hand in hand, music blaring in Virgil’s ears and Logan’s fingers soft and warm against his. They made their way towards downtown; their university was in a small city, and it was pretty walkable.

As they walked, weaving around and across different blocks, occasionally stopping to peek into particularly interesting shop windows, the tension in Logan’s shoulders slowly began to relax and his gaze migrated from the toes of his shoes upwards to take in the surrounding scenery. Virgil felt himself relaxing in turn. The subdued, almost sullen look on Logan’s face was beginning to shift back to his typical bright-eyed curiosity, which meant that while maybe not all was right with the world, a whole lot was right with the world.

As the sky began to darken, Logan’s pace quickened with sudden purpose—but he didn’t lead Virgil in the direction of the apartment. Instead, he headed in almost the exact opposite direction. Virgil was lost for a moment as to where they were going, until the park in the center of downtown came into view. Ah. That explained it. He was kind of glad; he didn’t feel ready for the quiet time they were spending together to be over.

A scent caught his attention as they entered the park, and he tugged gently at Logan’s arm, nodding towards the mediterranean food truck. A small smile answered him, and a nod, and the pair of them made their way over. They both ordered gyros—Virgil chicken, and Logan, who was trying out vegetarian food, falafel.

Fifteen minutes later, seated side by side on a park bench and finishing the last of their sandwiches, Logan cleared his throat. “Thank you.”

Virgil bumped his shoulder against his boyfriend’s. “Of course, babe.”

“I am feeling… better,” Logan said cautiously, as if he were testing out the words in his mouth to see if they felt true.

Virgil nodded. “Better is good.”

Logan nodded, eyes moving to the sky, which was now almost fully dark except for a streak of orange sunset leftover on the horizon. The stars were out, at least the brightest ones that could be seen even past the floodlights placed every so often across the park.

“You like space, and shit, right?” Virgil said, scooting closer to Logan and dragging his arm to wrap around Virgil as he rested his head on Logan’s shoulder. It was a bit of a rhetorical question, since he knew Logan had an astronomy minor and was the vice president of the astronomy club and had gone on no less than three eager rambles about space in the last month alone, but one could always do with a conversation opener.

Logan blinked and looked down at him. “I do.” You know this, his tone said, a little puzzled at the question.

“What star is that?” Virgil pointed at a particularly bright one, although he wasn’t paying nearly as much attention to the star as he was to Logan’s face.

Sure enough, Logan brightened, his eyes more interesting than any star. “Oh! That’s not a star at all—it’s actually Mercury!”

“Really?” Virgil asked, grinning and scooting closer.

Logan wrapped his arm a little more tightly around Virgil’s shoulders with an answering smile. “Yes, and it’s actually very fascinating…” And just like that, he was off, words spilling out of his mouth at a breakneck pace, gesturing eagerly with his free hand to emphasize his points.

Virgil listened, doing his best to follow along and asking a few questions whenever Logan started to wind down, but mostly just happy to watch his boyfriend’s lips as he excitedly infodumped, and his eyes, too, alight with delight, the frustration of the disappointing grade all but forgotten as he held Virgil and told him stories about the night sky.

It was nearly ten at night by the time they made their way back to Logan’s apartment, chatting back and forth in quiet voices and giggling. Logan broke off as he opened the door and got a look inside; he glanced over his shoulder at Virgil and put a finger to his lips.

Virgil hushed and followed him in, then saw what the need for quiet was: Janus and Roman were asleep on the sofa, Roman sprawled on his stomach on top of Janus with his limbs everywhere and his face buried in Janus’s chest, Janus with their arms wrapped around him and a throw pillow propping their head up and a worn copy of Crime and Punishment flopped over from where it had clearly been propped up on Roman’s back.

“Precious,” Virgil commented softly as Logan picked up the book, tucked a bookmark off the coffee table into it, and set it down with the tender care he seemed to reserve exclusively for books and Virgil.

Logan smiled. “They are, rather.” He looked down at his roommates. “Sometimes I wonder why I picked the two most dramatic people I know to live with.”

“Sometimes like this afternoon?” Virgil said with a chuckle.

Logan snorted. “Maybe. But then they do things like this, and I remember why I like them.”

Virgil noticed something on the tiny kitchen table. “Or this?” He pointed.

Logan came over to examine what Virgil had found. “Oh,” he breathed, a smile spreading across his face.

A plate of cookies sat on the table, together with a hastily handmade card.

“Sorry :( ❤️” it read in large, expressive cursive, and beneath it in smaller, neater handwriting, “I actually didn’t do anything wrong, but these are for you and I did the dishes, also you’re welcome for the date night.”

Logan laughed quietly, taking a cookie and offering the plate to Virgil, who accepted one cookie—they looked to be snickerdoodles. “Yes. Things exactly like this,” he said. He took a bite of the cookie and raised his eyebrows. “Not bad.”

Virgil grinned and leaned over to kiss him. “Not bad at all,” he agreed, pulling away.

“I literally gave you your own cookie,” Logan whispered, clearly trying not to laugh.

“Yeah, but it tastes better this way.” Virgil winked, mainly for Logan’s reaction—he pressed a hand to his mouth, stifling an amused smile that was still visible in his eyes. “I should go,” Virgil added, glancing at the time. It was Sunday tomorrow, so he didn’t need to worry about how late he was up, but he disliked walking home at night.

Logan nodded, taking another cookie and pressing it into his hand. “Text me when you get home?”

“I always do,” Virgil said, accepting the cookie and a goodnight kiss that still tasted just faintly of cinnamon and sugar.

And he did just that; he always felt a little awkward simply texting “I made it home,” or the like, so he usually tried to come up with interesting questions to send to Logan instead. Tonight, it was:

Virgil: hey Virgil: if u could pick one Thing u always wanted to do Virgil: and get a guarantee that u’d get a chance to do that thing no matter what Virgil: what would u pick?

Logan: Fascinating question! I would like the opportunity to name a star. Logan: I don’t imagine it will ever happen in real life, but I’ve always thought it would be… cool, for lack of a better word.

Virgil: ghfdkjghksdhj i will never be over ur love for space Virgil: u have a Brand and u stick to it

Logan: Well, a brand is important in life. :-) Logan: What about you? What would you pick?

Virgil: i think it’d be neat to be in a band Virgil: idk Virgil: like i don’t wanna be super famous or anything but like Virgil: being in a band would be neat Virgil: yk?

***

Ten years later, Virgil sang the last lines of his song looking right at his husband. “And I don’t even need to look to the skies/Because all of the stars are in your eyes.”

The noise around him didn’t fade away like in the movies; to the contrary, the cheering was so loud it was almost hard to focus. But Logan’s face was absolutely alight—Virgil couldn’t be sure at this distance, but he thought Logan might even be tearing up—and he was looking at Virgil like he was his whole world. Even with the bright lights and overwhelming sounds all around, it was easy to focus on Logan in the midst of it all, Logan pressing a hand to his mouth but smiling too wide for anything to hide it, Logan leaning into the side-hug that Patton—oh, and there was Patton, right beside him—was offering, but never taking his eyes off Virgil. Logan looked so happy, even though Virgil knew concerts weren’t really his favorite type of event, and Virgil was hit right in the chest with a renewed realization that Logan was Virgil’s whole world and damn, Virgil wanted to make sure everyone knew it.

But their time onstage was up, and the next few minutes were a bustle of packing equipment away and cleaning up the space they’d been allotted backstage, and it all went by in a bit of a blur, helped along by the remnants of Virgil’s performance mindset and slight overstimulation—though that was getting better now that he was offstage.

Virgil took a quick break, when the bulk of the urgent work was done, to just stand in the empty restroom and breathe for a moment, the noise of the other band who were now onstage thudding in the background so quietly he could hardly hear it. When he’d fully composed himself, feeling much calmer, he took a deep breath and headed back out.

On his way out, he ran into Roman, pushing a dolly with a box on it. “Oh, good, there you are,” he greeted Virgil. “Can you—oh, for crying out loud,” he broke off, looking ahead.

Following his gaze, Virgil snickered as he saw Remus, leaning against the wall with their hands clasped behind his head, grinning down at Patton, who was leaned forward, bracketing Remus with his arms, looking up at him and speaking, although Virgil couldn’t hear him from here.

“We still have work to do,” Roman said under his breath, but the exasperated gaze he leveled at the pair was altogether far too fond to have much real bite.

Virgil’s mind was on other matters; if Patton was here, that meant—

“Lolo!” Patton’s voice called brightly; he’d seen Roman and Virgil and stepped back from Remus, waving happily at the pair of them. “Virgil’s here!”

At the sound of Patton’s voice, Janus emerged from the room, a little further down the hall, that had served as the headquarters for the band. He bent to give the tiny man a kiss, then turned to Remus for another kiss.

Logan popped his head out just a moment behind Janus. “Virgil?” He brightened when he saw Virgil’s face, and stepped fully out into the hall. He hadn’t changed from his work outfit, still wearing a button down with the sleeves rolled up, a tie, and a pair of jeans, and a smile that he looked like he couldn’t wipe off his face.

He was still the handsomest man Virgil had ever seen.

Virgil looked to Roman. “Permission to get back on my alloromantic bullshit, captain?” he asked teasingly.

Roman rolled his eyes and swatted Virgil’s shoulder. “Go be cute,” he said benignly.

Virgil took off down the hallway to Logan, not quite running; Logan took a few steps to meet him, and Virgil caught him in a hug so eager he actually lifted the taller man off his feet for just a second.

Logan, half-laughing with surprise, grasped Virgil’s shoulders for balance as he regained his feet. “You wrote me a song?”

“Did you like it?” Virgil asked, holding him tightly.

“Virgil, I—” Logan seized Virgil’s face in his hands and kissed him.

Virgil wrapped his arms more firmly around his husband, kissing him back exuberantly and swaying slightly back and forth.

“It’s perfect,” Logan told him, breaking away only just far enough to speak. “You’re perfect.”

Virgil grinned, reaching up to run his fingers through Logan’s neat hair. “Careful, you’ll spoil me.”

“I don’t think I could ever do that,” Logan told him seriously. “It’s not spoiling if you deserve it.”

And really, what was Virgil supposed to do about that except kiss his husband again?

56 notes · View notes

painted-crow · 3 years ago

Note

Hey I hope this isn’t awkward but that post about your burned badger (lion?) secondary really hit home for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve had the same burned model in the past - I think I started off with a healthier badger/lion model (I can’t figure out which and am still figuring out my sorting anyway) and some external life stuff going on later, I’m really just pushing through and getting stuff done with all the delicacy of a brick. And same here with the emotional rollercoaster ... 1/2

And same here with the emotional rollercoaster of it between panic/apathy. And the burnout. And the ignoring physical pain. And I can see now how this was uh. Pretty unhealthy actually but it really was just so. effective especially given the circumstances and I kind of miss it in a way. It would be nice if I could get back a healthier version of whichever model it was. Anyway I love reading your blog you always have such insightful things to say thanks for reading this ramble <3 2/2

💙💙💙 :D

Not awkward! I'm glad that was useful for someone, rather than just being an angst dump on my part lol

Emergency secondary mode, Badger or Lion?

Links to previous posts:

- post describing my emergency secondary mode (cw for burnout stuff)

- the worst version of this post (cw for terrible memes)

So, after a lot of consideration and chatting with some lovely SHC people (looking at you @mooglesorts and you @magpie-of-a-birb), I've come to the tentative conclusion that I have a Lion secondary performance.

Which is not something I ever expected to say! I've long had a knee-jerk "aaaaa scary!" reaction to Lion secondary, but actually I think that's because I have this performance and I've had to use it in unsustainable ways.

I should probably put a trigger warning here for self harm through overwork... yeah.

So, I found this song:

youtube

(While it is a bop, it is also x2 trigger warning combo for self harm ahaha)

This song's primary is exploded Glory Hound Lion--that's not what's relatable about it to me tho. What I wanted my friends' opinion on was the secondary that's displayed here. Sounded familiar. So I brought it up on the SHC Discord server (which is out of beta, dm me for an invite link if you wanna join!).

I was thinking it might actually be the fully Burned "anything that works" secondary, but Magpie was like "no, that's a Lion sec with a Snake model" and I went "huh..."

...and then Moogle was like no that's a snakesec with an unhealthy Lion model, the masks aren't working so they're busting out Lion--and especially there's the focus on the character feeling powerful because they can hurt themself with it and keep going anyway

And I was like "oh shit that tracks more than I was expecting it to... whoops"

Badger hits different without unhealthy pressure

I do have and use a Badger secondary model, and I used to think my emergency secondary mode was just my Badger model taken to unhealthy extremes. But I don’t think so now.

First, because I actually think that my emergency mode is/was often a product of my exploded Badger primary model, which itself idealized Badger secondary.

I'm still picking through that thing's shrapnel and finding its influence in old memories and automatic reactions I still have and stuff like that--not to mention rooting it out of my system. Which is to say, now that I know what I'm looking for, I'm still discovering how far back this thing goes! Turns out I've been trying to whack this piñata for years, and it used to be so much worse.

The self-destructive "I'd rather run myself hard into the ground than fail" nature of my emergency mode makes a lot of sense in retrospect. When you tie your self-worth to achievement... well: the lyrics "I'll never lose / I'll never die" from the song seem less "I have achieved immortality!" and more "I basically equate failure with death." This song really straddles that edge of relatable but also obviously messed up. It's... something.

Second, my Badger secondary model is very different when it's not under pressure from the 'splodey primary model. I'm kind of having to figure out what it's like without that and it's weird. It seems to be a whole lot more chill and also I'm getting more Courtier than I'm used to?

Yeah, turns out if you dig out "you should help other people to justify your existence, but don't accept help back or it cancels it out" from your system (because damn, there's a system piece I didn't look at closely enough) it might have been holding up Courtier potential you haven't been using.

What's the difference?

I don't know who pointed this out first, I think I read it somewhere, but Badger secondary is very process focused and Lion secondary is very results focused. (Bet you this was from @wisteria-lodge. I'm not sure, though.)

Badger usually shows up as a few main things for me: mirroring, chipping away at big projects, picking up life maintenance and self care type tasks (especially when Bird secondary is burned), and caregiving/service stuff. It can also Burn on its own, which is its own brand of "motivation is a cryptid" exhaustion. None of this looks like Lion, so where does the confusion come in?

The only time my Badger model starts to look like Lion--and here the line really blurs with the performance--is when I've tried to get it to do tasks it's not really meant for. There are things I need Bird unburned in order to tackle (perhaps it's the presence of burned Birdsec that gets in the way? That injured confidence can be really debilitating) and I can't do them with just Badger.

I'm sure actual Badger secs know how to, say, learn Adobe Illustrator's unbelievably complicated controls while under deadline using Badger, but I have no clue. I powered through using probably the least efficient controls possible. (If you're using the nudge tool as a form of measurement, you're probably doing it wrong. I'm guessing.)

Needless to say, that's exhausting. I think there's some point in the project timeline where it stops being "well it's not efficient but at least I'm making progress!" and starts being fueled by raw stubborn determination and a little bit of spite. The contentment with the process goes out the window. I'm fighting my own perfectionism (and usually losing) because I just want this thing done.

Which, that's not necessarily a bad thing! Sometimes it's really useful to be able to go "screw it" and charge. It becomes a bad thing when you ignore all your other needs to do it, possibly because you've tied success and/or productivity to your self worth, and also you're still clutching your perfectionism and hissing "my precioussssss."

also:

It's not always obvious, but I sometimes use Lion secondary in ways not connected to the splodey Badger primary model.

(Occasionally it is obvious though... haha)

I do have this one story about realizing my younger brother might be in danger and charging off to find him, armed with a heavy wooden coat hanger against potential assailants. I went from Bird situational analysis to "this is the best weapon I can find on short notice" in like 30 seconds. In my defense, I was very sleep deprived at the time.

(It makes more sense in context.)

(Sort of.)

so.

I think the emergency secondary mode is a Lionsec performance.

This post took me like a month to write even after figuring it out. And then another few weeks collecting dust in my drafts, because how do you edit something like this

But I've been sitting on it for way too long and I'm tired of saying I should finish/post it, and tonight I'm feeling bored and a little impulsive... so, screw it--I'm calling this done.

(can you hear it? it's there... fighting my Birdsec/Badgersec model perfectionism again.)

(this time, I will listen.)

#sortinghatchats #shc performances #gryffindor secondary model #(i don't have tags for performances alas)#hufflepuff secondary model #burned ravenclaw secondary #splodey badger primary model #secondary toast revolving door #asks #paint speaks

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mbti-notes · 4 years ago

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Hello! INFJ here. I notice that "enjoy more intellectually stimulating solitary pursuits" is listed under Level 6 ego development for ESFJ. However, why is that not mentioned for INFJ in relation to Ti development? Is love of intellectually stimulating solitary pursuits already covered in dominant Ni? As an INFJ, I personally find intellectual exploration at a conceptual level to be almost effortless - asking conceptual questions, getting a "big picture" view of a field, developing my long term

[con’t: vision, viewing a problem from multiple perspectives, creating a high level outline of a paper I'm reading, etc. But getting into details on my own can be quite difficult - I often lose my focus and my mind wanders. I can do it more easily in 1:1 technical conversations though (where I need to hold up my end of the conversation), or if I set some social deadline, e.g. signing up to give a talk. Is it tertiary Ti development that will solve this, or is this an Fe issue? I recently realized just a couple days ago that I was repressing shame about some emotional trauma in my adolescence, which prevented me from seeing myself as a good person, and it feels like my Fe has massively increased in the last couple days alone. I've been releasing the repressed emotions via many hours of crying. I also had a rapid series of insights into a few people I really care about (issues that they're dealing with and how to help), and feel like I finally understand why there are so many songs about love. I finally decided to actively pursue someone who I think will be my life partner - I think immature Ti was holding me back somehow (wanting to be independent). But I'm not sure if further Fe development will solve this issue of difficulty with detail oriented work or if it's a Ti or Se thing. Or maybe I just need to consciously apply Ni more, e.g. always reminding myself of why I'm delving into details, and making sure to have a conceptual scaffold first before any details work?]

You’re mixing several different issues into one long message, which makes it difficult to respond. Please make your messages focused, as per the blog guidelines. What is considered “intellectually stimulating” to ESFJs is very different from INFJs, not to mention different from person to person within a type, so why are you using ESFJ development as comparison? What purpose does this serve? Every type has their own set of issues to address.

Trouble with details comes from having a low S function, which is to say that it is a common problem for Ns in general. Each N type has a different path to learning how to handle details better, depending on which exact function pair they’re dealing with and positioning in the stack. The ability to handle details for INFJs involves Ti and Se, both lower functions that are difficult and tiring to use for long periods of time. It’s far easier to develop the tertiary than the inferior function, therefore, Ti is going to be the heavy lifter.

Ti development encourages one to be more careful, specifically, systematic, in one’s thought process. INFJs often draw irrelevant or illogical connections between ideas and then cannot separate out ideas from each other to focus on addressing each one properly -> very messy thought process (which is already apparent in your message). Immature INFJs like to indulge the fun of drawing Ni connections (often as a means to boost the ego), but they can’t/don’t want to do the very hard Ti work of slowly sorting through information systematically to arrive at precise and accurate judgments. Being a lower function, INFJs often misuse Ti to rationalize their beliefs, as opposed to dispel falsehoods. Lack of Ti development means having no reliable method for dissecting problems and no skills for resolving them. In essence, it amounts to poor critical thinking ability, unable to parse and evaluate information systematically. If you need to improve your critical thinking skills, I have already provided book recommendations on the resources list.

Se development encourages one to be more observant of objective facts and details, specifically, to ensure that one’s beliefs about the world are grounded in the reality of the world. Being Ni dominant, INFJs usually “trust their gut”, which is another way of saying that they have a tendency to believe without factual verification. While your gut may be reliable in pointing you, very generally, in the right direction, it is not foolproof, nor is it able to explain the details of how or why. This means that relying on your gut too much can get you into trouble when your beliefs drift into fantasy and you don’t even realize it. Immature INFJs cannot tell the difference between speculation and fact. When an idea pops into their mind, they run with it. And when they run with it long enough, they believe in it, as they misuse Se to selectively gather “facts” to support the belief. Misusing Ti AND Se basically gives free rein to Ni delusion.

Mentally manipulating ideas in the manner that you describe involves using Ni and Ti closely together, which always runs the risk of descending into some kind of bias or self-deception, especially when Se is ignored in the process. You need extraverted functions to ensure that this doesn’t happen. Using Fe to access multiple perspectives and opinions is the right way to expand your perspective. However, Ni gathering even more data through Fe sources isn’t going to do you much good, in fact, it may only end up overwhelming or confusing you, if you have no way to systematize and evaluate that data. That is why developing Ti is eventually necessary for refining your ideas and correcting false beliefs.

It’s not a shame to need outside vetting for your ideas. Humans are communicative and collaborative creatures. Two heads are better than one. But it is a shame if you are extremely dependent on outside vetting because you are resistant to or afraid of developing your independent thinking capabilities. Why would someone be unconsciously resistant to or afraid of developing their independent thinking capabilities? Because they don’t want to take full responsibility when confronting the consequences of their beliefs. To put another way, if you mostly get your ideas and opinions from other sources, you can always blame the “bad source” for being wrong and plead innocence. Whereas, if your ideas come only from you and you get called out for being wrong, then you have no choice but to deal with the shame of being “stupid” - an insecurity that Fs often grapple with.

If you are developing Ti properly, over time, you will need a less and less intensive outside vetting process, because you become more capable of doing it for yourself. However, Ti is a lower function, so you are never going to be able to use it like a dominant function. Trying to develop a tertiary function is necessary only to a certain extent, to the extent that you’re able to use it for helping the higher functions work optimally. You shouldn’t fall into the trap of feeling bad when you hit a wall in its development. You shouldn’t start trying to copy Ti doms and using their type’s standards to make inappropriate evaluations of yourself - this is a great way to fall into shame and unhealthy perfectionism. You’re not Ti dom, never will be one, never should be one. You are always going to benefit more by sharing and exchanging ideas with people. You have to accept the reality of what you are and work with it, rather than lose yourself in chasing unrealistic ideals.

Remember that positive growth cannot come from negative self-loathing. Without self-love and self-acceptance, self-improvement easily morphs into self-harm. Every function in your stack has its proper role to play, so respect the parameters of those roles and development should go more smoothly.

#infj #auxiliary fe #tertiary ti #ti loop #inferior se #details #detail anxiety #attention to detail #development #shame #study #ask

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